Posts tagged ‘The Hills’

The Hills: Sylist

Yes, reality fans: The biggest takeaway I got from my first episode of The Hills is that their proofreader is as stupid as the show’s “stars,” because they actually let a misspelling make the show’s captions.

Oh, and there was much snide commentary, which had my wife literally ROLLING on the FLOOR laughing her ASS off, but I can’t remember any of it.

Here’s one: It’s funny that Heidi thinks Spencer is her soulmate…don’t you need a SOUL to be someone’s soulmate?

As we noted in our non-stop laff fest last night, Lauren has to be one of the most uptight and unhappy rich girls in Hollywood with their own wildly successful TV show where all they have to do is be their uptight, unhappy selves. What does she have to pout about? Nothing, that’s what. Yet there she is, always looking like someone just farted in her face.

Lighten UP. You get lots of money for nothing and make your own shitty clothes. Things could be WORSE.

You could be, for example, Lisa Love. I think she’s my favorite character on the show–a shriveled crone who has clearly been worn down to a nub by her years in entertainment and fashion journalism. I love it when she talks to Whitney like being on the editorial staff at Teen Vogue is some kind of noble calling, and you can’t let your standards slip for a SECOND, even when the mildly cute boys in a marginally successful band (Red Jumpsuit Apparatus? Are you fucking serious?) invite you to have a drink the night before a photo shoot! You must uphold your high journalistic integrity when coordinating a glorified paid advertisement for a brand of jeans!

I’m gonna catch hell for saying this, but I think Lisa Love’s face looks like a vagina. She has also gone and written herself a bitchin’ Wikipedia page.


September 27, 2007 at 1:45 pm 2 comments

The Hills: This is gonna hurt.

My good friend and frequent commenter Sarah has asked if I will watch and review The Hills on MTV.

I literally find this show so excruciatingly painful to watch that I have been known to whimper on the couch, pleading with my wife to change the channel. I curl into a position best described as “fetal” and welp like an abandoned wolf cub.

I fucking hate those people.

However, I love my vast readership, and I love my wife. For those reasons, I think I will give this Hills thing a try.

Fair warning, however: It’s not gonna be pretty. Then again, neither is Team Heidi.



September 21, 2007 at 9:41 am 2 comments


Unsolicited opinions, snarky comments, and links aplenty—one man’s endless journey through the wild, wacky worlds of pop culture, fatherhood, and life in Central Florida.

Buy My Book!

Alert Nerd Press is an independent boutique publishing house dedicated to bringing you fiction and commentary, centered on all things geeky. Our debut release is Unconventional, a tale of sex, booze, and geeks taking place over three fateful days at UnCon, Chicagoland's largest sci-fi convention. You may buy it or download it as a free PDF.

You said…

My Tweets

RSS Alert Nerd

Flickr Photos

A Musical Note

I occasionally post mp3s on this blog, intended for illustrative purposes. If you are an artist who objects to my limited use of your music, please drop me a line and I will be happy to modify or remove the track. If you are a scary music industry lawyer, grow a FUCKING SOUL, and/or send me a Cease & Desist.

Join My E-mail List!

Google Groups
Alert Nerd
Visit this group

Old and busted.