Posts tagged ‘Hell’s Kitchen’

Oh, Gordon.

I’ve made no secret of my love for Hell’s Kitchen star Gordon Ramsay, and his uniquely evil style of nurturing and degrading mentoring.

Though Hell’s Kitchen last season ended months ago, Gordon’s gone right ahead and reentered my living room with Kitchen Nightmares, which has quietly become one of my favorite hours of television every week.

On Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon ventures forth from the comfy confines of the restaurant/studio where he tortures young chefs and visits actual restaurants in desperate trouble. Each episode begins with Gordon suffering his way through a meal at said establishment, during which he complains loudly and occasionally even vomits.

Then, it’s Ramsay time, and you had better just get OUT of this guy’s way, because he’s here to help you save your restaurant, not coddle you or massage your ego. Most of the time, the proprietors of these establishments react about as poorly as you’d expect someone to react to a limey bastard showing up and criticizing their life’s dream.

Eventually, they come around, and it’s all quite heartwarming. But you KNOW that’s not the good stuff.

No, the good stuff is when Gordon finds meat in the freezer so spoiled that it could kill the patrons, or when he runs after a line chef who routinely steals leftovers and wine from a restaurant losing money hand over fist.

Here. Have a taste.


November 29, 2007 at 10:47 am 2 comments


Hey there.


This fella’s name is Josh.

He’s an absolute joke of a cook, chef, food preparation specialist, whatever you want to call it.

He SUCKS so bad.

And yet, for yet another week, he has survived the boot from Hell’s Kitchen.

This dude went through like three tries at cooking some lamb chops, while simultaneously flipping out and getting all haughty, and he suffered not at all.

Do the producers–or even (gasp!) Gordon Ramsay himself–think Josh is some kind of latent reality star? Is he cute at all, ladies? You can level with me. I can take it.

I have no idea. I only know this: He is annoying, seemingly talentless, and yet invulnerable to elimination.

Also: Chef Ramsay paintballs! How odd. Dude even owns his own outfit and everything.

July 17, 2007 at 5:46 pm Leave a comment

HK3: “I hate lobsters.”

My misguided wife actually prefers Top Chef, Bravo’s Project Runway clone devoted to food and the men and women who prepare it, to Fox’s Hell’s Kitchen.

Sure, if you are actually interested in seeing talented people cook interesting dishes in extreme conditions, I SUPPOSE Top Chef is a better show.

But on Monday nights at 9 p.m., with the week just begun and four more workadays stretching ahead of me like an endless plain of boredom, I want SLEAZY REALITY DRAMA.

On that score, Hell’s Kitchen has Top Chef beat, handily.

It feels like only yesterday we were watching tubby senior center chef Aaron break down weeping at the drop of a beef wellington.

Now we’re actually more than halfway through the season, and it looks as though Rock and Jen are top contenders.

Hell’s Kitchen is one of those reality shows where the gulf between those who do well and those who do poorly is so vast that it’s easy to imagine very shitty chefs being cast for their TV drama potential. Melissa, who Chef Ramsay accurately nicknamed “the Gremlin,” is a twisted little troll of a woman who plays arcane passive-aggressive games that I think only she understands.

Can she cook? Not really. Can she piss people off? Absolutely.

Also, WHAT THE FUCK IS ON HER CHIN? It’s like herpes poorly covered with makeup, and it looks like she’s got a soul patch. Skeevy.

I root for Rock, if I root for anyone, I guess. Not as much of an emotional investment in this show, because as I said, I enjoy it cause I like to see people mildly tortured for a shot at a mediocre prize (a job at a resort no one’s ever heard of in Vegas? Couldn’t they just submit a resume and have a better chance???).

July 10, 2007 at 12:47 pm 1 comment


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