Why I Hate Bon Jovi

February 1, 2010 at 1:49 pm 10 comments

My youngest sister is 25 years old and she loves Bon Jovi. I am guessing it has something to do with Jon Bon Jovi, who I think she thinks is “hot,” even though his face betrays clear evidence of various injections and surgeries.

I’ve always thought of Bon Jovi as “Springsteen for dummies,” with all due respect to my sister, who’s not dumb. We all have our weak spots. She likes Bon Jovi; I watch Jersey Shore. It happens.

As I watched their performance on the Grammys last night, the real reason I dislike them came to the fore: They’re absolutely uninspiring performers. Granted, they’re older guys now, so maybe back in the day they set the stage aflame with the heat of their music. But last night, on an internationally televised program and whilst accompanied by an awkwardly-strutting blonde woman in too-tight pants, their performance felt thick, bloated, OLD. It felt nothing like a dynamic live event and more like a Performance Of A Hit Song By A Band. No nuance or texture to the music; no frills or riffs or standout moments that indicated that anyone involved on stage was doing anything other than going through the motions.

(It’s also helped me learn a good general barometer for these types of bands–if your drummer needs to wear special gloves, they’re probably not a great drummer. Max Fucking Weinberg doesn’t need special gloves. He just ROCKS OUT WITH HIS STICKS AND HANDS.)

There was even a very minor element of surprise to their performance; the final song in the band’s short set could be voted on via the internet. I held out small hope for some kind of random upset or vote-rigging that would force the boys to play an unrehearsed rare album cut or even better a weird cover. Instead, we got “Living On A Prayer,” or at least about a minute of it. It reminded me of the album version. It sounded exactly like it.

Because they’re a Jersey band and they themselves seem to consider Springsteen an inspiration, it’s hard not to compare them to the E Street crew, who play with finesse, creativity, nuance and unbelievable ENERGY pretty much every time out. Look at any of the other Asbury Park scene artists and you’ll find the same ethos.

I don’t think Jon and the boys from Bon Jovi realize they don’t give a shit, but they really don’t seem to give a shit, so neither do I.

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Entry filed under: Music. Tags: , , , , .

No Hiding Place The Fall of the Roman Grant

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. James  |  February 3, 2010 at 1:26 am

    oh man bon jovi. up there with John Mellencamp in the pantheon of terrible bruce knockoffs. theres just something about their songs that makes them sound insincere

    -James
    pietonight.wordpress.com

    Reply
  • 2. Ozz  |  April 13, 2010 at 8:29 am

    That´s why you hate BJ? And a big drummer.. by his gloves?
    25 year´s career, +145 millons álbums sold all @ the world (untill 2008 ) 11gold disco & 33 platino. do you really think this guys need to proove anything to anyone?
    Think u have too much free time,Springsteen never had this success and he´s a great musician.
    the only conclusion of this post is that your sister is smarter than you.

    Reply
    • 3. Billy  |  April 29, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      145 million albums sold? This proves that only stupid people are breeding.

      Reply
    • 4. josh642  |  June 27, 2016 at 7:15 am

      Their songs suck. Is that enough reason?

      Reply
  • 5. Stephanie  |  July 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    i dont even know where to start i agree with Ozz.
    i think your just like i dont even know
    i saw the preformance
    it was really good
    i loved it
    hahaha nd yes
    your sister IS clearly
    smarter than you
    dont hate the player, hate the game
    ahahaa!

    Reply
  • 6. Jim M  |  September 11, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    I think all they care about is how much money they can make before they burn out . I put a story about how they were screwing up my wife and me over a concert back in 2003 .And the next CD was all about my story ,they made 100 million on that tour and when I contacted them they as much said fuck you at the next concert july 20 in TO . Well Jon hope you read this and know there is a place in Hell just waiting for you bud !!!!!!!!!!!!! FU

    Reply
  • 7. Jessi.N  |  November 23, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    Jon Bon Jovi or John Francis Bongiovi Jr. leads the band Bon Jovi
    and that particular band is on of the most fantastic rock and roll bands on this earth. i believe that your argument is completly wrong.
    Your sister has more brains than you because this band speaks ” rock legend” all over!!!!!!
    i mean come on
    i can’t believe there are actually people out there who dislike this band and their legendary music

    Reply
  • 8. Smooth Operator  |  January 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Agree, but are they the absolute worst. At Tezini, we’re not sure: http://tezini.com/tunes/10054/bon-jovi-worst-band-30-years/

    Reply
  • 9. YourSister'sWorthTenOfYou  |  April 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Jim, yes I do think they care about money, but why on earth would you think they would write a whole CD about YOUR story? Do you think they care? They have millions of fans and have sold 150 million records. They have been a huge band for 29 years. And I don’t understand how they could be “screwing you over a concert”. You made the choice to buy a ticket to watch a band you dislike. Not their problem, I think.

    Bon Jovi is one of the most passionate and talented bands around. It’s a band you can never get sick of listening to – because they have so many different sounds and almost all of them sound amazing. And how does Jon’s face “betray clear evidence of various injections and surgeries”? Everyone knows for a fact that Jon Bon Jovi does not go for treatment like Botox and the such. What’s more, he’s growing old – 50 years old, and he looks it, too. Please actually check your facts before accusing Bon Jovi of things they haven’t done or things they aren’t.

    Ozz, I absolutely agree. Tico is obviously smarter than your dear Max, he’s protecting his hands from blisters and uses gloves for a better grip you fool.

    And if Jon is such an idiot, why has he been married for 20+ years, been the frontman of a great and successful band for 29 years, been named to the White House Council for Community Solutions, has a huge and successful charity foundation, etc.?

    Reply
  • 10. Paige Boehm  |  June 23, 2017 at 12:16 am

    You are absolutely dead wrong!! Jon Bon Jovi is one of the best rock band legends of the 80’s and beyond. I have read facts about Jon and his bandmates. This guy has never had plastic surgery. And if he did had plastic surgery, it would be on magazine covers and TV. Bon Jovi music rocks and especially Jon. Jon Bon Jovi gave his life to music and being a founder for The Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation and other charitable work. Everyday I hear about this guy and he has so much passion for his family and the fans. Jon Bon Jovi is a gift from God. So stop and think about why is some reason you truly hate Bon Jovi.

    Reply

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