Later, Twigs.

Twiggy will be departing the esteemed judging panel at America’s Next Top Model, to be replaced by Paulina Porizkova. No word on whether or not Rik Ocasek, the scrawniest and scraggliest man ever to marry a supermodel, will guest.

I hope Paulina is SUPER bitchy. We watched a few reruns of old ANTMs on TV this weekend and I missed Janice a little bit, I have to confess.

(I hope this doesn’t qualify with my wife as the “pseudo-Perez Hilton” that she says sounds so unlike me.)

ANTM: “Bitch Poured Beer on My Weave!”

America’s Next Top Model has one of the most delicious premises on television: Lock a gaggle of stuck-up skinny bitches into the same enclosed space, let the claws pop out, and have Tyra Banks presiding over it all like some benevolent Michelin man.

The early episodes always offer the best of this, since there are stuck-up skinny bitches who are just pretty enough to make the first cut, but too crazy to actually make the show. These particular skinny bitches stomp in, stir up shit, then leave weeping and promising defiantly to “not let this crush their dreams” or something.

This season’s action takes place in New York, and so the casting episode made a move as well, to the Caribbean and a cruise ship. Maybe it was the more chillaxin’ surroundings, but there was a decided lack of bitchy bitchiness in last night’s launch; those hoping for a return to the legendary “Bitch poured beer on my weave!” days were certainly disappointed. I know I was.

I am, however, excited that a hunchbacked geekette made the cut, as she gives off this creepy vibe of the girl at the university computer lab spending too much time logged into her Ultima Online account, and that can only make for wacky hijinks. Sorta like the girl who was a backyard wrestler and contracted a skin disease, but different.